Climbing our Mountain

A popular blogger https://www.facebook.com/mitchellsjourney, recently described his journey with his son as Mount Everest.  This father's words resonated with me so strongly, that I have been unable to forget them. He stated,

"Life has so many mountains to climb. I would rather traverse the valleys and rolling hills with the summer breeze at my back. I would take up my abode by the gentle stream and beautiful lake and look upon Everest like a painting, admiring its majesty from the comfort of my rocking chair. But such was not my lot." "I can see the summit far in the distance. Basecamp, I can scarcely see below. The air is thin and bitter cold as storms circle about. This Everest is bewildering and its difficulty is matched only by its majesty. Many people don’t reach the summit; they retreat, lose their way or find easier paths that lead to lesser summits. Some never come back. 

While this hardship is daunting and I often worry I’m not prepared for such a journey, I have developed a spiritual connection with this Everest. I have learned it is not my enemy, but my teacher. It is merely an obstacle I must climb in order that I might grow. 

And on that fateful day when I reach the summit, where the air is thinnest and the stars barely out of reach, I know I will see far into the horizon … things that cannot be seen in valleys, or by gentle streams."

                                                                                                                    -Christopher M. Jones

Beautiful.  That is how I feel.  I feel I am not prepared or worthy of such a journey.  I feel if I look all the way to the top of the mountain that I may crumble and fall, because the task of scaling that mountain is just too hard.  But I too have "developed a spiritual connection" with this mountain and I know that "it is not my enemy but my teacher".  I know that I will forever be changed by climbing the mountain.  It will change me.  And if I do this right, it will change me for the better.  I am scared.  But I know when I reach the top, the view will bring me to my knees.  And I know I have a loving Heavenly Father, who wouldn't leave me to climb a mountain without the tools I need to get to the top.  I can't live in fear, I must live in faith.  I have my faith, my family, my friends and neighbors, but most of all I have a Savior and a Father in Heaven that will carry me along when I can't do it myself, if I but ask.

I have had so much love and support all ready.  I connected with childhood friends on social media before the baby was born that have children with DS, knowing in the back of my head that I would need there support soon. I have a loving neighbor with a DS child who came to visit me in the hospital.  I have so much support and for that I am blessed.

One comment stood out to me though, from an incredible mother with DS.  She said everyone is going to tell you how special a mom you are and how special a family you have to be given such a special child, but you don't have to believe it.  I was taken a back by this comment and wan't sure what to make of it.  Because I think the world of her family and her as a mother.  What I have come to understand is, that when people say that to her she feels inferior, like she should be extra special and handle every situation gracefully.  She feels she falls short. She feels that she is an ordinary mother, taking care of a child with more needs than most children and that it is hard work. But what she (or many moms with special needs children) don't see, is how we truly view them.  I see so many friends with special needs children and they are some of the strongest people I know.  I don't think they see their own strength or the people they have been molded into.  I will gladly have someone tell me that this special child of mine has been born into a wonderful family with a special mom.  Because if I am going to do this well, then I need to believe this.  I need to believe that somewhere hidden inside of me are traits and qualities that I have been given to raise this child.  Talents and qualities in me that I can find and develop.  Tools that will shape me into a mother capable of climbing my Everest.  I believe Heavenly Father would not leave me to climb Everest without the tools I need to get to the top.  And as I climb it will be hard and it will be rewarding and it will slowly shape me and my family into a special family.  A family worthy of such a gift as Joshua.  Will I feel like a failure, yes, sometimes I already do with my children. Will I make mistakes, absolutely, I am human.  Will I feel inadequate, always. But if I remember the eternal perspective of things, if I remember I have help, if I remember not to compare myself to others, I know I can do this. One small step at a time, after all, I have my whole life to reach the summit.