{ONE}

It has been one year since Josh was born.  It is hard to believe.  I can't wrap my mind around it.  And what a year it has been for our family.  It began a year ago today with Josh's birth.  It was a crazy delivery & then the news that our baby had Down Syndrome.  Josh is very healthy for a child with Down Syndrome, but despite that, he had many doctor's appointments and procedures.  Then in July my husband was layed off from his job.  It was shocking but we looked at this as a time for change....good change.  Our biggest concern was health insurance for Josh.  My husband found a job after 7 weeks.  The day our new insurance started Joshua was in the emergency room.  He was later admitted with bacterial meningitis.  He had a 10 day stay in the hospital.  It was a scary time not knowing how this meningitis would affect him.  As I type this I have a 8ft deep hole in my front yard from my house to the sidewalk because of a water main break.  I thought this was the final straw...I couldn't take anymore.  I have tried from day one, a year ago today, to look at the positive to see the hand of the Lord in my life...despite the hard times.

So let's go back to my husband being layed off.  It was hard.....but we knew this was for the best.  He is now at a job and company he loves.  And they started him on the pay roll a few days before he actually started so that his benefits could start at the beginning of the month.  We don't see this as being "lucky" or a coincidence.  We see this as the Lord's hand in our lives.

The first day of September, the first day of new insurance, Joshua ended up in the emergency room.  He ended up being diagnosed a few days later with bacterial meningitis.  It was scary.  It was hard.  It was draining.  But through that all, I see several miracles.  First off, because of my education, I asked for a lumbar puncture to be done on my child, because I knew that he needed it.  I am so glad I asked...I am so glad I followed promptings to ask. 
I have always believed that working in a children's hospital, that I work on sacred ground.  There are so MANY things that happen at that hospital that are sacred: priesthood blessings, miracles, children are healed, some children may leave their mortal bodies there. I have seen all of these.  I have seen things and I have heard things and I have felt things that are sacred.  Although most days I go to work I don't think about these things.....it is just another day at work.
Having Joshua in the hospital I was again able to witness things: priesthood blessings, miracles, I felt sacred things and witnessed sacred things.  To say I was "lifted" by everyone's prayers is an understatement.  To say I was literally "lifted" by people's prayers, by angels, or by the gift of God, I don't know.  All I can tell you is, I was given strength in that hospital.  One night the second I stepped foot out of that hospital to go home, my body ached, I felted like I couldn't walk, the exhaustion set in. I was given strength when I was in the hospital, to be able to care for my son. 
I will never forget the blessing my husband and my dad gave Josh in the hospital.  We were scared.  But as soon as the blessing was over......I think we all felt what my dad said out loud, "He is going to be OK, he is going to be OK."  And from that moment on, I knew he was going to be OK, and that we had just witnessed a miracle.  It is impossible to describe the LOVE that I felt for this child as he was sick.  It was overwhelming.  It gave me a glimpse of the love our Father in Heaven has for each of us.
It is a miracle that Joshua came out of that hospital without any lasting complications.  Despite the toll that this hospital stay took on my body, my mind, my heart, our finances.....I know that God had his hand in our life and blessed us. 
So many people served our family during this time.  Meals and prayers.  Some from complete strangers.
Today as I watch out my window, I see my uncle taking care of a water main break in my front yard.  It is an answer to a prayer.  I knew that the problem was bad.....that it would be very costly.  But once again, I am indebted to someone who has come to our aid.  My Uncle had the resources to fix our leak out of the kindness of his heart and a fraction of the cost it would have cost.  Once again, we are blessed by those around us.
We have had to let go of a lot of pride this year.  We have had to allow others to help us, to serve us.  It is hard.  But we are not blind to the help we have received.  It doesn't go unnoticed. 
We have had a year of trials, but I hope that we have done our best to be thankful for what we do have, for what we have been blessed with, for the being able to see God's hand in our life, and for knowing that we were blessed.  Things could have gone so much worse in each of these trials that we faced this year.

I had the distinct impression when Josh was born, that although he was "mine", that he was not "mine".  He needed to be shared.  I would need to allow him to influence others.  I would need to sacrifice things, let some things go, in order for him to fulfill his mission here on earth.  I pray I can allow him to do that.  I pray that others will allow him to influence their life.
"There is no greater disability in society, than the inability to see a person as more." -Robert M. Hensel

It is hard to put into words the emotions that I am feeling today. One year ago today Josh came into our lives. The fact that he had Down Syndrome shocked us. It has changed our lives. It has changed me. I hope to think for the better. He has changed our family for the better. The amount of love I have for this child is hard to explain. I know he is here for a purpose & I am grateful he is mine. Because it gives me a window to see through that not everybody gets to look through. I have seen Josh touch people's lives already just by his sweet Spirit. He can teach us all how to love. Jesus taught the importance of loving others. One of my favorite quotes I have seen states, " these Spirits are special in God's eyes. They are sent to earth for their mortal bodies in such a way that they can't be tempted by this world.......try to understand {him} for {he} certainly holds hands with God. " I believe he certainly does.
How lucky am I ? How lucky am I.
Happy Birthday Joshie boy..I love you!